On The Road to Self Discovery Embrace your Ugly: SELF LOVE

Shout it out: I LOVE MYSELF!!!

EMBRACE YOUR UGLY...
Embracing your ugly is about loving yourself completely even the things you really hate about yourself especially the physical self. I am no Tyra Banks but Tyra aint no me!
little story:
Sat at the front seat of a taxi once and i had my hand on my lap. Noticed the taxi driver looking at it and i hid it, i looked out the window disgusted with my hand and my self .
Out of no where BAM!!!
"i like you fingers, they are long with dark knuckles and your little mustache too. don't touch or hide it, its you"

speechless speechless that's how he made me feel!!!!!
what!!! this guy was not normal; told him so and he said "that's the weird thing, what you hate about yourself is probably what someone loves about you,it may be the only reason someone will look @ you twice"

mind you all this happened in TWI(local dialect) i would have written it as such but you aint ready for my shit!!! hahahahaha... can't handle it

Just like that without knowing me, In the middle of Makola on a very sunny day a taxi driver showed me self love; looked at my hand and suddenly it wasn't that bad!


My foto(i like to call my wingman Charles that, it drives him insane) and i went out to eat and he kept taking pictures,i wasn't really in the mood (honestly, i wasn't sure my make-up was in the mood) tried blocking my face with my hand and dude fell in love... with my palms(weirdo) the thing i hate most about myself.
i have such soft palms but the look like i crack stones for a living
but he really did like it... called it a photographers delight! he said some other day that everything that's weird and detailed about you is what makes you YOU, its beautiful and you need to see it. Beyonce is awesome and all but she aint got these palms! lol... yes she is dying from lack of such detail and texture.... LOL

Loving yourself is loving your creator; it's like saying God i wasn't there but you did a pretty good job. I'm liking what i see. So God, i love my dark feet, skinny frame, dark knuckles and knees, dry lips and everything you made and all that i messed up! most of these things i got from my family, i look at them and think they are beautiful so why should i see myself different..
I DEY PAP ROUGH!!!!

The Lens Affair: my true self

He said he loved my face and that was it for me and we have been going at it for a while. It's fun but most of all its enlightening. The lens doesn't lie, it shows you what you really can't see , things you refuse to see, and most importantly i guess what you weren't looking for, your true colours and truth . It's either you love it or delete it but you have to live with it; cry a river and get over it if you have to but certainly DEAL with it!!
With the time i have had with him, my dear lens has been true to me, brutal if you ask me. Whoever said truth hurts did not lie my friend, it does but when you face it, deal with it, its awe-wait for it- some!!! its beautiful

the object:Charles Mon-tage-gh.tumblr.com

the subject: identity

the writer: canon D600 (T3i Rebel)

I was talking and looking out of my office windows when he took this. i was there, the moment was nothing too special, we were talking about a subject i was passionate about but it was a simple moment till the lens caught it and it was worth more than a 1000 words
"what is freedom? the non-existence of bars and borders or the illusion that they do not exist." this comes to mind every time i look at this picture. someone asked what i was doing in prison when he saw this picture, in reality i was a free bird standing in front of a barred window; to keep out or to keep me in?.
We see what you want to see but truth be told nothing is ever really what it seems and no one is truly free.

Asa's Mr. Jailer keeps playing in my mind...

Am in chains you’re in chains too I wear uniforms, you wear uniforms too
Am a prisoner, you’re a prisoner too Mr Jailer

I have fears you have fear too I will die, you sef go die too
Life is beautiful don’t you think so too Mr Jailer!

Dear blogspot, do we really need to date?

Dear blog spot, do we really need to date?
The guilt is just too much! I wish you wouldn't keep the dates... sheesh! now every1 knows (thanks to you mr smarty pants put a calendar in it bright idea blog spot inventor person -_-) I'm inconsistent! Thank you -__-! do my fellow bloggers feel my pain?, then join me children of inconsistency and say NO to dated blogs.... hahahaha... I'm gonna bring my twitter habits here and start forming teams and movements. But in my defense all this isn't my fault. I have to live in order to blog about it right? so there, i was busy living(this is where you roll your eye and say "sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. I'll do my part and curse you under my breath)

The feeling is awful though, only 1 post in 2010 ans 2009, come on Shirlz... (I'm fighting the urge to make a promise as this comes so naturally to me at times like this) but i won't and just leave it at things have to change.

signed;
a miserable inconsistent blogger

why RED cos THIS IS WAR (best Spartacus voice)!! war on my inconsistency or blogspot's obsession with dates and post counts? that is the question...

Am I back?

So I did it again, made a promise and broke it; the story of my life! I wanted to get rid of this blog, start a new one, you know; show you guys the more matured young lady I think I am now.I couldn't, I can't because even though I think the girl who started this blog is dead and gone,was too emotional for my liking; i kinda miss her; she FELT!! I haven't felt in a while.
What's New?
same old crap mehn, life got harder love got smarter @ hurting and shit aint changed just different.
So no promises, I'll come here when i can, I'll be honest and I'll be real. I don't advertise this blog, I don't care if no one ever comes here; this is for me, my own little corner where i tell the story as i see it, no judgement no disapproval. Sometimes you just need a stranger to listen

death and all it's "nevers" a tribute to the dead parts of me; my cousins & uncle

I'll never see that smile again
I'll never hurt from his mistakes
I'll never rely on his strength again
this lack of him will drive me insane!!

I couldn't cry out loud
I was unheard through the megaphone of tears
Then in the silence of the night
when their well of tears had dried up
i broke down and created mine
and my tears sprung eternal
pumped by the "nevers" of his death
this lack of him emptied me.

o EUGENE, i miss you
come again and share your silly jokes
i wont mind if the jokes on me

o CHIEF, what happen to our dreams
i can't build a company without your plans
you were the blueprint to our dreams

o my dearest uncle
what will i tell your youngest son
that daddy took too many puffs
and got lost in the smoke
or daddy was the funniest man on earth

though people leave all the time
this time you'll NEVER come back
i can never show you my love!
you will never hear my apologies for
all the time i wasted, all the calls i missed, all the letters left unreplied

o Lord!! i miss them!
what will death do with them? did heaven need them more than i.
Rest In Peace fam!
and don't forget to send angels to take the pain away
this lack of you is eating me up!

i'm back!! .......The Big Reunion

Hey!!

(Shy smile) I’m back with a big bang, I’m back like I never left, I’m back …someone stop all these clichés!! LOOL!!!....

So it’s been a while and I miss this! I have never been so excited about returning to anything but this is definitely my 1^st maybe 2^nd love…. writing!! So a lot has happened since I last posted (obviously) but before I captivate you will my awesome life stories* dis is the part you roll ur eyes* I would like to make a promise! A promise to God to you and most importantly to me; to learn and practice the art of consistency!! I will not hit and run like before though it does not come naturally to me like French and accounting. I'm like the weather i change a lot, unexpectedly. Its not all bad but to be disciplined enough to stay with an idea, principle, emotion, activity is a blessing a gift that i must have in fact that i need so I will learn to be and I will be consistent!!!

So since my last post(let’s just say back then I had lost myself and I was going through a whirlwind of emotions, I haven’t found me yet but I’m enjoying the search party)here are some of the highlights of my life thus far....

• I turned twenty something (you really didn’t fink I was just gonna tell u, did u? it’s like dropping your pants on the 1^st date i might tell you but definitely not now)
  

• I lost my religion and I’m finding Jesus(God isn’t hidden but how can I find him stuck in darkness)

• life dished out a few red cards and I lost some of the greatest teammates(death and all its nevers)

• I’m in my last year of uni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow!!

• I kissed a frog and got a toad!!(I was tricked….prince’s don’t exist)

• I traveled!!! Yaaay!!! I’m officially a borga not just a one timer too(two)!! LMAO

• I am now a proud aunt of 5 rugrats…. A few more n we’ll have a football team (directing my siblings to the birth control counter) but I love my team, I will kill for does rats!!

• I have organized, DJ-ed, MC-ed, modeled, written, acted and still going strong…lol

• I have found and kinda lost some of the greatest friends ever!!!

• I found twitter and dumped facebook!! It was fun whilst it lasted

• I learnt to COOK and I’m damn good at it too!! (10POINTS for team obaapa)

• During our separation I have gone wild, gone mild, laughed and cried, done the undo-ables I can never take back, taken risk and won and many more which you’ll soon find out

This is a reunion between a writer and her pen (or in 2011 her keypad) and their love affair with words and hopefully together they find a bunch of reader who may turn out to be good friends or strangers passing through!! Who knows Life and its surprises?!!

So what do you wanna hear about first??..... I know!! So it was a couple of months…….(story fades into next blog) *wink

his & hers:one story 2 tellers!!

I saw him today!

I spoke to him too
and the words from his mouth
were clever and true.
Words you understood,
but would hardly use.
and i tried and tried to impress him too
but my mind wouldn't give in
wish i could replace all these over used words
with their smart and impressive synonyms
but i fumbled like a girl in love
as i stared at my feet
and pulled my natural locks

i saw her today
and spoke to her too
and her words were playful and simple
words i had heard ever so often
but never this softly
and i tried and tried to match her grace
but the man in me would not obey
and I uttered sheer nonsense
like a walking dictionary
i wanted words that would touch her heart
like her presence melted mine
but i am but a man
so with my hand in my pocket
and my feet firmly on the ground
i allowed only my mind the ease to fidget
like a boy in love